Blame

I've been thinking a lot about blame lately. I thought I was the kind of person who would never blame anyone for anything bad in my life, but I realized I was wrong. I have blamed my weight gain on a lot of things - none of which was taking responsibility for my own actions. What can I say? I'm changing. I hope this isn't too "soapbox." It's just what I've been thinking about lately. Here's what I blamed . . .

I blamed skinny people for being skinny. I used to be one of those skinny people who could eat whatever they wanted and never gain an ounce. That, of course, changed when I turned 25 and got a desk job. My metabolism wasn't the same anymore (another blame) and I gained 40 pounds in one year. I've since learned that most skinny people have had to work at being skinny. They may eat the same way that I ate at parties and pot lucks, but they take it easy when they are at home. They work out. They don't mind sweating. I never thought skinny people were evil - just lucky. I know better now.

I blamed my thyroid (which is still out of whack!) and my hormones for not being able to lose weight. I'm not saying that my thyroid had nothing to do with my weight gain, but it's not the reason I can't lose weight. The reason I couldn't lose weight before is because I put too much food in my mouth. I discovered that the first week on weight watchers when I became conscious, for the first time, how much mindless eating I did throughout the day. I probably ate 500 extra calories in small trips to the kitchen. It's different for everyone - and I'm sure I'll have more hiccups where my thyroid will rear it's little head and demand to be noticed. I just know that I can only blame my thyroid on a weight gain when I know for a fact that I've had a perfect week of working out and eating right (it's already happened once). It makes me want to be really good all the time so that the blame isn't misguided.

I've never been one to blame fast food restaurants for serving fatty food, but I have been known to blame food. Don't you have to have cake at a birthday party? Don't you need to try every dish at a potluck? I need my ice cream, right? I have since learned that I can say "no" more than "yes" and still be happy. when I have ice cream, it is delicious and I savor it. When I have a piece of cake at a birthday party, it's only because I have planned for that cake and it looks more delicious than the fruit. Food is still more than nourishment to me - I love food and the emotions and places it takes me. I just love it a little more judiciously now.

I'm trying not to place blame where it shouldn't be placed and redirect it towards building a better Stephanie.